Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
