i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
