lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
