I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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