She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
