At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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