I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
