please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I think people are normalizing furries
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
