It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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