it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
