My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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