she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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