3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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