i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
