your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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