no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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