She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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