It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
