you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
