I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
