I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
