Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
