Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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