...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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