I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
