can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
