Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just google imaged poop.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
