all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
