I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
