Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
