I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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