I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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