i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
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Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
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I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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