she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
There r osticjed everywhere
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
