Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
