I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
