i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Plan B is the new Plan A
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
