Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
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hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
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I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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