Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
