i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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