and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
