I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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