She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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