I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
