Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
