Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize