Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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