omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
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