This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
