Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
