This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
