he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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