Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
