there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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