I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
