i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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