Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
cat food counts as protein by the way
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
