So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
