It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
