I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
