Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
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