Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
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i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
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I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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