he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
