Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
