today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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