You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
