Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
