In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
