Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
