she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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