you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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