I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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