butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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