I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
