I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
