Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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