Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
