I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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