I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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