my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
