i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
