You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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