A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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