Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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