Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
