I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
