Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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