Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
