What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
