people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
